In the world of character analysis, we’ve had alignments, Hogwarts Houses, and even BDE. But let’s not forget the metrics that truly matter—the stars! Join FANGRRLS Clare and Sara as they assign star signs to all of your favorite characters, starting with the spooktacular Sarah Paulson’s roles on American Horror Story.
Sara and Clare on Sarah Paulson’s Characters
Sara: Where else to begin but with the psychic who captured our hearts? The Sarah Paulson who started it all.
Clare: I adore a no-nonsense medium. And let’s be real, she has strong opinions about astrology. I sense a Leo here.
Sara: If Lana Winters wasn’t my favorite Sarah Paulson character, it would be Billie Dean. Her one-liners are classic, and she effortlessly balances seriousness with humor. Plus, she’s the AHS character you’d want to have drinks with.
Clare: Billie Dean is an inspiring Leo, managing self-confidence with practicality. She’s serious about her work, validated by the spirit world.
Sara: Our beloved reporter wife, the ultimate Lois Lane.
Clare: A plucky gal reporter seeking her next big scoop fits the ambitious Aries archetype. But we focus on Lana after her transformative journey.
Sara: She’s like, “This has been difficult, but let’s move on to my career taking off, reaching the top of the world stage.”
Clare: “This emotionally destroyed me, but we’re onto the next bullet point on the agenda.” Aries love righteous vengeance, fueled by fire and hurt feelings—totally justified, of course.
Sara: Aries, a complicated sign indeed.
Clare: Cordelia might just be my favorite Sarah Paulson character on American Horror Story. She fights for what’s right, even if it means sacrificing herself.
Sara: You’ve got to give it up for a Virgo with mom issues. She strives for perfectionism but struggles with judgmental tendencies, yet she’s always there for her community. That’s every Virgo in a nutshell.
Clare: When they bring Michael to Cordelia for the Test of Seven Wonders, she refuses to risk his life. Her devotion to the kids proves she’s a Virgo, drawing lines in the sand and delivering lectures about rushing into things half-cocked—classic Virgo behavior.
Sara: The conjoined twins, the Tattler Twins—hopeful, attention-loving babies sharing a body with a reclusive 900-year-old with hidden talents. That’s Pisces energy, right there.
Clare: Prim and proper Dot might seem less mystical than her sister, but her moody and withdrawn nature confirms the Pisces essence. Bette is just so sweet that we often overlook her depths.
Sara: They both exist within the ocean of their shared moods.
Clare: To conquer that ocean, they must work together. Wait, hang on, that’s Waterworld—my mistake.
Clare: After the impact of the Human Centipede films, it’s surprising that Sally is the only character who’s tried it.
Sara: I’m not surprised. Sally is just that person—she has a lot going on. She battles addiction, abandonment, and processes her feelings destructively. Spending all day on Twitter is her healthy option, which says a lot about her progress in Hotel.
Clare: Sally’s happiest ending is falling in love with the internet, making posts about how much things suck, and gaining a huge following that reignites her passion for living. Textbook Sagittarius.
Sara: She and the Internet are a match made in hell, and I’d love to catch that bouquet.
Clare: If Billie Dean Howard is prime Leo inspiration, Audrey Tindall is the opposite. Audrey’s high self-esteem curdles into narcissism and terrible judgment. Returning to the scene of My Roanoke Nightmare? Not a good call.
Sara: Leos can be evolved people, but Audrey represents the attention-seeking side that cancels out logic. She’s a stereotype of a vain actor, just like some Leos.
Sara: Ah, beloved clown wife.
Clare: I had to ask Sara to explain how Ally went from fearing the clown cult to joining them. That confusion speaks to the enigma and mystery that marks Cancers.
Sara: All Cancers eventually become the clowns they loathed.
Clare: The fact that so much characterization revolves around “this lady voted for Jill Stein and it’s destroying her marriage” is pure genius.
Sara: And probably not the only time that happened.
Sara: Oh no, a character from my NSFW fanfiction is on the loose.
Clare: Wilhelmina embodies the fallout shelter scientists with unethical mid-century fetishes from the Fallout games.
Sara: Wilhelmina is a walking fetish, and I’m not mad about it.
Clare: Water signs aren’t typically seen as aggressive, but don’t mess with Scorpios. They’ll drag you down to the watery depths.
Sara: That’s what we love about them.
Clare: Scorpios have a siren song… wait, has American Horror Story done mermaids yet?
With Sarah Paulson’s incredible range, she’s brought these characters to life, each with their unique star sign traits. Enjoy the spooky roles she’s played so far, and let’s hope for more thrilling performances in the future.
Note: The images used in this article are courtesy of the original article.
